Water and Drought Jokes: How Dry is It?

by Gayle Leonard on Monday, July 27, 2009

Drought Turning Texas Dry as Toast: Yesterday I saw this headline on MSNBC (via WaterSISWeb) so that’s my cue to dig up my collection of “It’s so dry…” jokes.

So dry the birds are building their nests out of barbed wire.
So dry the Baptists are sprinkling and Methodists are spitting
It’s so dry that the Catholics are giving rain checks.
So dry the catfish are carrying canteens.
So dry the trees are bribing the dogs. (variation: It’s so dry that the trees are whistlin’ for the dogs.)
Its so dry here that the fire hydrants are chasing the dogs around.
So dry my duck don’t know how to swim.
It’s been dry so long we only got a quarter inch of rain during Noah’s Flood.
So dry I’m spitting cotton.
Dry as a powder house.
Dry as the heart of a haystack.
Dryer than a popcorn fart.
It’s so dry that the cows are giving evaporated milk. (variation: So dry the cows are giving powdered milk.)
It’s so dry the fish are knocking on the door, askin’ for a drink of water.
It’s so dry here the all the fish have ticks.
It’s so dry the Red Cross has launched a wet blanket appeal.
It’s so dry you’re only permitted to eat watermelon between 8pm and 8am.
It’s so dry the government has announced a water pistol buy back scheme.
It’s so dry, crooks are siphoning off radiators instead of gas tanks.
It’s so dry, they’re encouraging people to pee in the pool.
It’s so dry, all the Baptists are converting to Catholic.
It’s so dry, the the dogs are marking their territory with chalk lines.
It’s so dry they’ve had to close two lanes at the swimming pool.
It’s so dry the river only runs twice a week.

All new, original! A few more I thought of while writing this post:

So dry we’re fishin’ on lawn chairs with slingshots.
It’s so dry we went rafting on hand trucks.
So dry the water tower was held up at gunpoint.

Sources: collected from all over, including here, here, here, herehere and here!

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Aaron September 15, 2011 at 4:00 am

It’s so dry in Texas that two-year-old catfish haven’t learned to swim.

Gayle Leonard September 15, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Tee hee!

Ron Slivon June 30, 2012 at 1:39 pm

If it ever rains in Phoenix people turn their umbrella’s upside down and sell their water at garage sales… when I turn on the garden hose powder first comes out.. We only wash our cars when it rain.. In Phoenix after midnight if it rains the sirens sound off to wake everyone ( to wash their cars. Happy Saturday We love it here

Marybell August 5, 2012 at 7:07 pm

I get no humor in this whatsoever. This drought COULD be the devasting, You must have water to survive.

Paul August 26, 2012 at 4:41 pm

The cracks in the yard are so deep I can smell Chinese food coming out of them.

Gayle Leonard August 26, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Ha ha, Paul, that one gave me a laugh!

YURA IDIOT September 7, 2012 at 6:23 am

MARYBELL…LIGHTEN UP YOU ARE IGNORANT.

Kaitlyn M. Pinder December 15, 2013 at 4:49 pm

It is temperate in New York so in the summer it is so hot that even boys try to wear booty shorts!

Keanna Phangle December 15, 2013 at 4:52 pm

It is so hot in Florida that that even the oranges want to give out!!!!!!!!!

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